ATLANTA — Not everything related to the holiday season is happy for everyone. As the New Year draws close, for many, the time does nothing but bring up memories and reminders of things that cause pain and anguish.
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Shanti Das, an author and the CEO of a non-profit called “Silence the Shame” knows how these feelings can bubble up and often times overtake your life, especially when there is a constant reminder of what has been lost.
“I lost my sister five years ago and my mother three almost three years ago,” Das said. “And just friends and family over the years that I’ve lost, it’s been difficult to navigate.”
Das told Channel 2 Anchor Karyn Greer that the advice in her book, “Have Yourself a Very, Merry Griefmas” can be summarized in three words. Talk to someone.
“This is the time of year where it is assumed that we all should be very happy, very loving, very grateful, very social,” said Licensed Counselor Laura Morse. “And not everybody feels that way. So it’s compounded with this idea of I internally don’t feel what matches everybody else on the outside. So what am I supposed to do with it? These feelings are very real to me.”
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Another tip from the book: It’s okay to say no. No is a complete sentence.
“You know, Karyn, we can’t be everything to everyone and the holidays again as so much stress,” said Das. “It’s okay for you all to say no if you can’t attend those parties, if you don’t want to cook like you normally do, if you want to change the scenery, right, and create new traditions, that is okay. So saying no is actually a good thing.”
Another piece of advice is to establish clear boundaries with friends and family and limit the time spent on social media.
It’s a snapshot into what people’s lives may be or what is fabricated. And for some people it is their real life, but is still a fleeting moment,” Morse said. “But in social media, when we’re looking at that, we are constantly comparing like, why isn’t my life this way?”
“That is really important for me because years ago my sister started the tradition of wearing the same pajamas, Right,” Das added. “Which now, everyone does it and it’s an actual thing. But sometimes looking at the families and just thinking back on my moments, it really puts me in a dark place. And so I’m intentional about staying off.”
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The last piece of advice from both Das and from Morse: Try to establish new traditions. Maybe travel. Create some new memories with loved ones and friends who are still in your life.
They both say doing that can go a long way in protecting your peace and helping with the sadness and depression during the holidays.
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